pofuna

dead wife ing

my girlfriend had a dream where we were calling on facetime
and in the dream she fell asleep
but i was still talking to her, knowing that she was asleep
and when she woke up (in the dream), she saw i was still talking to her
and she apologized because i was awake the whole time, and we both started crying
it hurt her so much she woke up in real life

she texted me about it right away
and we talked about it in person
she started crying because she was thinking about a video
of a wife going to her husband's(? or wife's? wlw) grave with their favorite snacks and flowers
and talking about her day
and the way i was talking to my girlfriend in the dream, while she was sleeping, even though i knew she was asleep, felt like that

love and loss
to be honest, im not sure my girlfriend has really experienced either intensely or fully
loss for certain she hasnt, love as she says
im really the first

whereas ive seen love

and ive seen loss
with both friends and family
in passing, dead and gone
and in relationships with lost lovers
and in friendships with lost friends

dead wife ing
the "i love you so much, i dont want to imagine my life without you"
and the "whoa this is like a dead wife flashback" (@weaverfuck twt)
the "infinite dead wife flashback feedback loop"

words and moments are shared
that feel incredible, thoughtful, loving, yet mournful
in that they are fleeting and could one day be reduced to pure memory

i am grateful to be filled with love that resonates so strongly and so deeply

a blessing and a curse one might say
no one wants a dead wife
biggest fear in love with a woman is a dead wife

like with pets, or even friends or family members
mourning them before they are gone
imagining their loss eons ahead of time

not great to preemptively mourn someone who is still with you

when there is so much life to live

again, we never know what may happen

and luckily
love is so bountiful
at times it feels impossible

but there is always more

if i am a dead wife, i want you to know that
if i have a dead wife, i hope i remember

love shared is never love lost

and love is more plentiful than the air i breathe
though i may one day choke on it
and this feeling caught in my chest
may one day end me

tldr
love is awesome

even when it may hurt a little
the good kind of hurt
the kind you remember